Time flies, an update.

So as the title says time really does fly. But for me I haven't been having fun unfortunately, I haven't posted since May because my health has deteriorated yet again. I have spent a lot of my time in hospital this year having brain surgery, failed attempts at other surgerys, repeated chronic infections and worsening heart stuff which brought us devastating news. I haven't shared that news publicly yet and I'm still not ready to which I know whoever reads this will understand. I rely on my wheelchair at all times now which has been really hard for me to accept and when I do go out I get very anxious as I'm afraid I will see someone who I know and I hate for them to see me like this and wonder what they must think about me. Just 18 months ago I was on two feet and now I'm on four wheels which is incredibly hard to come to terms with. And even being in my chair I'm still exhausted as ever with frightening symptoms that I shouldn't get while I am technically not doing anything but sitting still. 

There has been a few more times than I would like to think about where I have actually thought I was about to die recently. It's exceptionally scary especially at night when I'm on my own but thankfully mum will come to keep me company as she always does. It feels as though my chest is being crushed and someone putting all their weight into me. It makes it very hard to breath and my heart and lungs feel like I am suffocating from the inside. I think that it's got to be one of the worst symptoms I get. Along side the chronic never ending sickness and pain. I spent most of my time with my head in the toilet or my sick bowl which actually used to be a mixing bowl. I found a new use for it a long time ago. 

As usual my lovely pup Remy has been keeping me company, she's such an amazing little dog. She really lights up my world when at times it feels so dark. 

I know I said this last time I did an update but this time I really want to do it so I am going to try start a little schedule where I do one or two posts a week and I have an idea in the pipeline for a give away so keep your eyes open for that one. 

Thank you for reading this far if you made it haha! I think of you all so often. 

Love and light

Hugs and kisses

Rosie x